Yesterday evening, we were invited to a 50th birthday party for a friend of my wife. There were 104 people there and I'm sure they are all lovely, but I could not connect at all.
The place had no soul, the people were loud, the music was louder (and was more suited to a 21st birthday). It was everything I am not. Am I just getting grumpy as I get older, maybe less tolerant, or is there something else?
I felt lost and alone in a crowded room.
I felt angry with myself for wasting my time and my life by being here, but on the other hand I felt I should be respectful and thankful that I had been invited.
Fortunately, my wife felt the same as I did, and so after a couple of hours and with a plausible excuse, we said our thanks and goodbyes and left.
What I am and what I want is becoming clearer. My purpose, my direction, my goals, my path are slowly materialising before me. But the transition itself will still be hard - just because you know the direction you should be going in, doesn't making turning around easier.